Traffic snarl-ups seem to be all the more irritating at this time of the year, when the weather can be exceptionally humid. However, the really important thing is to have a good line in distraction while you wait for something to happen.
My own bizarre contribution to in-car entertainment is deciding what musical genres certain cars are. Yes really.
Bear with me: in the broadest possible terms, small hatchbacks are pop music. Family hatches like the Ford Mondeo and Vauxhall Insignia are middle-of-the-road easy listening. Sports cars are rock. A Caterham would be thrash metal and a white van full-on death metal.
Many complicated luxury cars are progressive rock, but then again plenty of them are inoffensively classical.
The fun bit is getting specific. A Lexus LS is surely middle-of-the-road maestro James Last. That would make a GS Richard Clayderman and an IS Andre Rieu. But should that really be the Mercedes-Benz S, E and C-class?
For me the BMW 7-series has always been Deep Purple because the band’s keyboard player John Lord had one. Otherwise I see a Jaguar XJ as Genesis – but that’s Peter Gabriel-era Genesis. I regard a lot of MPVs as pop reggae.
Some cars are attached to their era, so a Ford Escort XR3is in white are Shakatak. The E30-era BMW 3-series is late-1980s Spandau Ballet. Val Doonican is a Vauxhall Vectra. I see a series one Toyota MR2 as Pat Benatar. And by the end of all that mindless musical mental activity the traffic has cleared and I’m on my way home.
So is there any mileage in this musical madness, or should I keep what I think about in traffic jams to myself? Any idea what kind of car Vera Lynn might be?
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